apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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