the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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