We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
