RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
