I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
