I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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