He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
