I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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