A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
