Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
