aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Two words: blizzard sex
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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