sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
