is your mom at the bar?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I accidentally burped into my bong.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
