Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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