He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
