My sheets look like a crime scene.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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