he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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