If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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