Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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