I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
