Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
