God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
