my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
