you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
