My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
