Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
