I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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