how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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