The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My balls are so social today.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
