His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
