corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
