You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
