I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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