I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
