im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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