Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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