The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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