Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
