I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
