Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
