I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Bring me that man meat
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
