im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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