Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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