Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
