Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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