omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
