im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
