I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm really busy with my period
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