Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How's work?
Spinning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
