I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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